I'm Guilty - I Watch "Flavor of Love"

Flavor of Love - VH1

My name is Max and I am a "reality" TV addict. I don't know when it happened. Maybe it was Real World San Francisco (though I stopped watching when Puck got tossed). Maybe it was Survivor. I think the real turning point was Surreal Life 3, the one where Flavor Flav hooked up Brigitte Nielsen. There was something so unreal about that plot line that maybe nothing would top it again. Except that Flavor did, with Strange Love, which was the continuing adventures of Mr. Foofie Foofie (Flavor Flav) and Geeta (Nielsen) as they toured Italy and the US and tested their love, which wound up being fascinating and not strong enough to separate Nielsen from a clear gold digger. Flav was knocked from the throne of "Most Compelling Celebrity Reality Star" last year by Danny Bonaduce, the only reality show that I actually felt angry when I missed an episode. Maybe the only TV I have ever felt that about. I guess Flavor and VH1 couldn't stand being second fiddle. That's what caused VH1 to act as pimp to Flavor Flav, easily one of the five grossest celebs on TV.

I am an addict. And I have hit rock bottom. There is nothing of redeeming value about "Flavor of Love." If you want objectification of women, you got it. If you want women acting the fool for a fool, you got it. If you want to see people compete, cut throat style, for the lowest prize in "reality" TV history, this is your show. And yet, I can't turn away.

I LOVE to watch "Hottie" and "New York" (all contestants have been stripped of their names, and given nicknames by FF) talk and fight. And I love to watch every other contestant on the show bag on them. I love the bicycle bell sound they play when Hottie blinks. I love watching a bunch of girls who are largely insane (New York and Hottie are among several contestants who display symptoms of psychotic breaks), compete for a man who is likely going to do nothing for them, save break their hearts, if in fact they can love him. I love wanting to heave every time they show FF eat. I don't know how the girl who went to Red Lobster with him didn't puke on him. If I had been that girl, and I managed to keep my chunks, I would have quit the show right there.

I love the girl (Pumkin) who cried because Flav called her a little distant from some kids. She is, she reminded us, "A substitute teacher and a cheerleading coach." She reminded us five times in the episode. I love that Hottie calls New York Shrek. I love that some other girl said she looks like a drag queen. I love that it's all true, especially the Shrek part.

But most of all, I love Flavor Flav. I love being appalled as he gropes each girl. I suppose I shouldn't be, as they are all clearly into it and in control of how far it goes. Is it Flavor Flav's fault if New York puts his hand on her vagina? Maybe, but I'm not willing to beat him down for it. He is himself, at all times. Or at least he is consistently his stage persona. He pours out champagne at the end of each episode for his departed suitors. He gets angry when a girl he accuses of being fake talks back (she was right too. She went above and beyond, but I think, with some time, she will figure she's better off without Flav). He eats fried chicken constantly, except at the Red Lobster, where he drips butter on everything. He gives out giant clocks to the girls to show they "know what time it is" or know that"their time is up." He has no problem that his iconic conceit (big clocks) is a bigger stylistic component of the show than anything else. The two statues out front wear giant clocks and chrome teeth. But through it all, Flav is just Flav.

One might wonder, what is the Flavor of Love, anyway? If this show is any indication, I suspect it is greasy, breaded and tastes vaguely of gold flake tooth caps. And I like the taste. To my shame.

Film Review - Transamerica & St. Louis Cinema's Moolah Shrine Cinema

Transamerica (2005) - IMDB

Transamerica - Official Site

I went to see Transamerica at the Moolah Shrine Cinema & Bowl here in the Lou (Saint Louis, MO for those not from here). It's the third movie I've seen there, and each time I feel they could do things better or have arranged the theater better, but I've enjoyed everything I've seen there. My previous complaints have been about the width of the room and the tendency for the good seats to go really fast. I think they could have planned for the room better with a curved screen and a proper adjustment to the focus of the projector. This time, I actually sat in line with the screen, though still off to the side a little. My gripe now is something my wife brought up; the screen is tilted upwards, which probably works for people in the balcony, but creates problems for people sitting on the floor. With the lack of tiered seats, a downward tilt would probably work better. I think that next time I go, I will sit in the balcony. I will report at such a time as I have more to share.

On to the movie. I really enjoyed this movie. I'm a big fan of actors taking risky roles, and Felicity Huffman playing a pre-op transsexual is a big risk, especially when you get to see her genetalia. She is wonderful in the role and there never comes a moment when I felt like she wasn't Brie, the pre-op. And I've even met Felicity Huffman in person about 4-5 years ago at my office manager job. The subject matter of the movie is maybe a little over the top, but, for me, it never really reaches a point of non-believability. The actor who plays Brie's kid is alternatively open to experience, apparently delusional, sullen and invisible. But he's pretty good when he's on. The rest of the cast fill various roles, explaining why our characters are how they are, helping or hindering them, and generally giving a great backdrop for Felicity Huffman to do her thing.

In the short of it, I saw three of the five nominees for the Golden Globes best actress in a drama movie. I liked all three of the actresses, but Felicity wins handsdown for me. Definitely a flick to go see if the subject matter isn't going to turn you off. And if it is, maybe you need to do a double feature of Brokeback Mountain and Transamerica. Then watch the entire season of Logo's TransGeneration.