Idolatry - I Can't Seem to Care Anymore

So, I didn't watch the Idol performance show this week. I opted to do laundry instead. I guess the candle that burns twice as bright, and all. I think it's because, ultimately, I don't really care for any of the people left. I think of them all as flawed performers with limited upside. Before I comment on the elimination which I did watch, let me explain my take on the final three.

Kat McPhee
It's not the boring thing so much. Afterall, Celine Dion is boring in a spectacular way but she still manages to have a career of icky dripiness and we all know who she is in spite of being boring. I guess her personal life (with her husband/manager who was old enough to be her father's older friend and was also charged with rape or something) makes up for it, but Kat just doesn't seem to have that. But I can forgive that. It's really that she's a big torch singer who can't sing big notes without breaking her voice or losing the tune. I know there are people out there who think she's the next coming of Kelly Clarkson (who I also didn't like), but much as it pains me to say it, Clarkson could sing the big notes and the small notes, the high notes and the low notes and all the notes in between. She may have been boring, worn funny clothes and been a white chick, but that's where the similarity ends. So, I can't really root for her. Plus, she grew up richer than I did, so there.

Taylor Hicks
If I had my druthers, he would win from the group left. Why? Because he's the closest to actually nuts and I always root for the crazy ones. Ultimately, I'm not going to buy a Taylor Hicks album. Largely because I think he's not a very good singer. And the albums I buy are generally people who write good songs and can sing. As a result, I don't own a single Tom Waits album. I love his writing but I don't think he can sing. It's why I own no fewer than 14 albums by artists who are "similar to Tom Waits" according to allmusic.com. I love the showmanship and I enjoy it when he sings those southern people like Elvis and the Doobie Brothers. That just works. But I can't join the Soul Patrol (I'm pretty sure he lifted this phrase from somewhere, I just can't find where... maybe the Blues Brothers) because the guy's instrument just isn't up to snuff.

Elliott Yamin
Too short. They should have a sign, you must be as tall as Ryan Seacrest to win this show. It should be a rule somewhere. I kid. I liked Elliott's singing better when Simon used to get on him about his confidence and his presence. Because he used to sing the song and make good choices. As his confidence has grown, he throws the kitchen sink into every song, as if to prove that he can sing. At this point in the competition, he should be acting like he belongs and just sing the damn songs. This is a beef I have with McPhee to a greater degree, but the way her voice dies on the big power notes is a more glaring problem. But Elliot seems, at this phase of the competition, to be unable to just sing a song. We now have performances that are 90% color and 10% song, when it should be the other way around.

With that said, I'm sorry to have seen the E-Train derailed on Wednesday. I didn't really care, but I'd rather have seen McPhee go home. I'm dead set against her winning because I think Idol should always be moving forward. And to pick McPhee would be a step back to season 1. In the history of Idol, every winner has been completely different from every other winner. Our final four had three who were competely different. I suppose I could accept that Yamin is not entirely unlike Clay Aiken, but I have a few thoughts on that:

1. Clay didn't win
2. Yamin sings better songs than Clay did
3. Yamin's instrument is qualitatively better than Clay's
4. The value proposition of the two midgets is very different, Clay was the young dude who sings well and Elliot is the great singing dude
5. Oh yeah, did I mention, Clay didn't win, so the discussion is moot

I would even accept that Chris was a little like Bo Bice, but the Bo didn't win argument remains valid. Taylor is completely different from anyone who has won, and likely the worst singer to make a final since Justin Guarini (what ever happened to him?), and maybe the worst ever. Kat is basically your low rent Kelly Clarkson. She's Monica Potter to Kelly's Julia Roberts. And I don't think Idol wants/can afford that. If it were the other way around, I think it'd be okay, but Kat just isn't up to the Kelly standard. So I guess Taylor has to win and I think Chris will be the biggest star of them all.

But since America voted, and Chris got booted, I just don't really care anymore. Not enough to watch and do a massive blog dump. Who knew I had such a man crush on some bald guy with questionable facial hair. I don't think it has to do with any particular love of Chris. It's more about Ah-mericah (as Bernie Mac would say) just not getting it at all.

Ultimately, Idol for me is like the Grammys. People you like make the final group but they almost never win. Winners are never the best people and the best people almost never win. I stopped watching the Grammys a few years ago, around the third season of Idol, when I stopped watching it too. I dunno about next season. We'll see.