Idolatry - I Live in a Red State and Don't Get It Either - April 4th

I just lost my post to a blogger error. That sucked. Any rate, lemme try to recreate it.

I am told, by those in the know, that there is a whole divergent culture that thrives mostly in Red States and Rural Areas and that occasionally touches the mainstream pop culture. Every twenty years or so, it comes briefly into vogue, lingering a little longer. With our current society basically dictated by Red States, it's now wonder that this divergent culture is currently enjoying it's longest stretch of mainstream popularity ever. I speak of the culture of both kinds of music, country and western. I have a theory about the current popularity of country music and how it relates to issues as diverse as stem cells, dominant sects of Christianity, public schools, taxation policies, Libertarianism, murder & violent crime rates, debt financing, NASCAR, foreign policy, the Atlanta Braves vs. the St. Louis Cardinals and civil rights. I call it the Rise of the South. If you rang me up for Idol (which you probably did, since my biggest readership day is Wednesday) you are probably not interested in the long of it, or even the short of it, but suffice to say, I think Southron culture has become more and more pervasive since the 1970's, probably in response to the liberal movements of the 60's to the point where it really is the dominant culture. I don't have to like it (the only things I like from it are Bull Riding and BBQ, and I think Kansas City is pretty much the highest form of that art, and not southern, though Memphis is a very close second and Texas a very close third... basically anything but that Carolinian weirdness and I'm as happy as a pig in SuperSmokers Championship sauce). In fact, I don't like it. I'm a city person who's spent most of my life in Blue States, or at least Blue regions of Red States (New York City - 18 years, Los Angeles - 4+ years, Austin, Tx, St. Louis, MO & Westport, CT - 3yrs) so I don't really have a point of contact to the content of the show last night. For me, the songs were mostly pleasant, largely boring, and generally well sung. I could give you fairly non-interesting commentary on each one, but I think that's probably wasting both of our time, so lemme instead talk about the things that struck me.

The first thing was Kenny Rogers. First off, is it me, or is KR a big step down from the two previous guest vocal instructors? I don't suppose anyone who isn't deep into country is going to put Kenny Rogers ahead of Stevie Wonder right? Stevie Wonder made Rolling Stones list of the Immortals at #15, right behind Led Zeppelin and right ahread of Sam Cooke. Now before you suggest that they don't take country people on that list, check out Johnny Cash, and Hank Williams Sr. Now, granted, those guys are immortal in their music only, but still. Kenny's biggest period, he wasn't even really country. Country flavored easy listening would be more accurate. IMDB's bio of him pretty much agrees with me. And he's gonna teach them to sing contemporary country? He hasn't been contemporary country since the Reagan Administration. The first one.

The second thing about Kenny Rogers is that it's hard for me to look at him without laughing. There are two major reasons for this. The first is exposure. I can't look at him without thinking of the five hundred made-for-TV Gambler movies, the rest of the Made for TV stuff, Lonesome Dove, Kenny Rogers' Roasters (excellent), the Seinfeld episode about the Roasters and most importantly, MadTV's Kenny Rogers Jackass. Watch below.

Makes it hard to look at him with a straight face, right?

The other thing that's weird about him is the look.

This is what I remember Kenny looking like. Actually, in my memory, his hair is a little poofier on top, but this pic will do. The idea is a kind of long cut, pushed forward on top with a part and occasionally mulleted in the back. Wrinkles. Gotta hve the wrinkles. And the beard, full on.

Last night, Kenny had short hair, smushed forward, nothing in the back, no mullet. No full beard. And fewer wrinkles than he had in 1980. It's very strange. From what I can gather, country fans are even less willing to accept change in their idols than normal society. You would think that would consign Kenny to keeping his beard at the 1978 length and cut, but I guess he has an expemtion. Or maybe that sweater he's wearing in this picture just cut all credibility with that group so he got excommunicated, a la Shania Twang. That doesn't seem likely. Maybe the amazing reversal of time's cruel march across his face has gotte him some leeway. I dunno. It's weird to look at. I got thinking about what Kenny Rogers proper place is in my lexicon of the Age of the Thing. It took me five minutes, but I got it. He's the Red State Joan Rivers. Think on this. We have similarly weird plastic surgery adventures. We have self depricating humor (check out his appearance on Reno 911). We have questionable brand extentions (Roasters vs. Joan's Jewelry). We have famous for stuff they did a long time ago. They are as connected as two entangled quantum particles. I wonder if one feels pain when the other gets another face lift.

The other big thing that stuck out to me was the additional time given to Bumkin (Kellie Pickler) before she sang. In this time, Ryan basically noted that people who comment on Idol have suggested that her idiocy/naivete are put on. Bumkin brought up two specific instances in proving that she is as HillyBilly as she would have us believe. She didn't know what Calamari was. And she thought salmon had a pronounced L. I suppose these are possible, though the salmon thing seems a little far fetched in today's global information society. The thing that rankles here is not what she doesn't know. It's the way she revels in the things she doesn't know, as if not knowing them is something to celebrate. For me, the appropriate responses to ignorance are either shame or motivation. This is the contrast that I have been trying to draw between Bucky and Bumkin. When faced with the Wonder catalog that neither was familar with, Bucky dove in and found something he liked. Bumkin semmingly picked at random and sulked through it. The shame is that I feel Bumkin's attitude towards new and different is more typical of the Culture of the South. Any rate, the sooner she leaves, the better I feel about the whole thing.

McPhee wore something a little strange. I know it is hot on stage. So why wear layers. And the lower layer stuck out below the top layer. She needs some fashion consulting. They should bring in the What Not To Wear people to talk to her. She was better than last week and I think she was wearing a bra (for her, key).

Ace didn't suck. Ace was my pick, pre-show, to go home this week. I had figured that he wouldn't be able to find a point of contact to country and would revert to Bad Ace. Instead, he turned in one of his better performances. Made it all very confusing.

The Wife says Taylor was not good. The three seconds of it they play at the end of the show sounded out of his normal register. I, as a Taylor fan, understand that he is better off in his range and that that range is limited. So, I think he should stick with what he's good at. I don't think he's going home, but I suspect it's bottom three for him.

Chris sang something soft and sensitive and it didn't suck. In fact, it was pretty good. Being from North Carolina, I suspect he knows more about country than his previous performances would suggest. I can drop the rag on him that he always sings the same stuff now. The only person left in that category is Bumkin.

Elliot looks better with each millimeter of hair that has grown. He sang okay. I think it was a little rough in spots, a first chink in the armor, but I'm sure he's safe.

Your bottom three: McPhee (pitchy and weird costumes), Ace (It's old habit), and Taylor (first in the show + weak performance has killed numerous people). Bucky is your alternate, just because it's getting tight. Paris is your dark horse. She was very off. Even Paula said something about it.

I dunno who's going home. Probably Ace. There can't be that many swing voters, can there? And I don't think that Taylor's voters are really swingers. McPhee's probably are, but she was pretty good. I think Paris's contingent got the biggest boost with Lisa going home. Bucky was in his element and turned in the Bucky performance. I honestly wouldn't be surprised to see any of the five I put in the bottom three go home. That's how puzzling the show was.

If you read this, drop a comment. Just so I can hear you breathing. Best letter will get a full on post.