Movie Review: The Hills Have Circus Freaks

So, I saw a couple movies this weekend, and I thought I would share my thoughts. I thought I might share thoughts on the new season of the Surreal Life, but nothing really struck me as being 500+ word worthy, so you get movie reviews instead. The second movie I saw was the new version of "The Hills Have Eyes". It's a horror flick, directed by Alexander Aja. I think it's his first English language film, though "High Tension" was released to American audiences with a dubbed voice track. I was looking forward to seeing The Hills, because I enjoyed High Tension, despite the near ridiculous level of gore in it.

The Story
Way back in the 40's and 50's, the US government tested nukes out in the New Mexico desert. We are told, at the very start of the movie that our government has never acknowledged any atmospheric effects of the tests, which I dunno if I believe or not, but I don't see the relevance. The government tried to evacuate a mining town, but the miners refused to leave. When the blasts came, they hid in the mines and they and their children became hideously deformed and violently xenophobic. Oh, and they eat pretty much anything that bleeds. Oh yeah, and they are as well organized as an Al-Qaida cell.

An icky stereotypical American family wanders into their territory on a family vacation. Dad is a former cop, staunch Republican and probably a Grand Wizard in the NRA. Jesus loves mom. Daughter #1 has married a liberal cell phone salesman, who Dad has nothing but contempt for. They have a new baby. Daughter #2 is something of a party girl, who would rather be in Cancun with her friends than in the middle of nowhere with her whacked out family. #1 Son is a jerk to Sister #2, and feels fine packing a nine millimeter automatic pistol and waving it at people (with Dad's consent). They have two German shepherds, named Beauty and Beast. By the end of the first act, I want them all killed violently and soon.

Freaks meet the Normals, by way of some bad directions and a strategically placed spike strip. The family SUV and Air Stream trailer run out of control into a strategically placed boulder. They are stranded. Dad and Son-in-Law trek off in different directions, and Dad gets clonked on the head and dragged underground.

I don't want to give it all away, but the Freaks come out at night and do icky things to the Normals, killing more than a few and, predictably, stealing the baby. The normals are pushed into their survival mode and decide to try and take the baby back, ribs and all. Hillarity does not ensue.

The Critique
Maybe I'm getting too old for this crap. But I just saw Final Destination 3 last month and LOVED IT. The level of gore in this movie was appalling. I'm not advocating a return to a Hitchcock kind of visual (all fast movement, no actual violence viewed) but there comes a point where the Ick factor just overwhelms weak material. Aja is a master of the Ick Factor, it's true. But if you compare this work with High Tension, that at least had a nice twist ending (with a complimentary set of plot holes you have to ignore to accept it), and a nice think piece coming out of that twist, you are left disappointed. There is no thought here. Freaks are evil, except the one who's okay and less deformed than the rest of the crew. But they are just evil, by dint of their freakishness, and only by dropping to their level can we hope to win. Especially on the violence and gore scales.

Additionally, the characters were plastic. I take that back. There was real development in one of the dogs. The Freaks are completely free of anything redeeming. They are also free of motive. The Normals are just shadows of real people, pulled from central casting to pit their normalcy against the Freaks freakiness. They don't really grow. Well, that's not entirely true either. They grow to be progressively more covered in blood and minor wounds. They do shed their normalcy, but their eventual victory seems to hearken towards a return to normalcy. They will forge on, forgetting the dead normals and freaks alike, and just get on with their lives, if only they can get back to anywhere where they can start to do so. Don't forget, they are stranded in the middle of the desert with no transportation and minimal supplies. Oh yeah, I forgot. They all have some wounds and are all three are probably concussed to some degree. Yeah, they'll make it out.

I honestly did not like this movie or find anything redeeming about it. If I wanted to see some innocents faced with a homicidal maniac in an out of the way place, I'd rather see Wolf Creek again. There, you have more defined characters tested by a more believable freak and a more definite ending. You have more rhyme and more reason and just more of everything I had hoped to get from The Hills. Save yourself the dough and just rent Wolf Creek. If you want the Ick, throw High Tension in there and have a night.