Idolatry - Girls Gone Wild - Mar 7 - Part 2

Okay, I just wanted to revisit the ladies, since Fox was kind enough to put the photos up. I think it helps clarify what I was talking about. So, in no particular order, let's work it.

First up, Squinty, the 50 ft Woman. There was a picture of her standing next to Seacrest, who is not tall. He was around boob level next to her. Very weird looking. And the outfit only maximizes and emphasizes her freakish height. I guess that's what she was going for.

One last thing to note here. For the people who don't get why I call her Squinty, check out the face here. Very Squinty.







Okay, Here's Mandisa from Tuesday Night's show. Yep, every woman is inside of her. I think she had about three for lunch. Damn, I'm evil. I will burn in Hell. Good thing I don't believe in Hell. Also, I don't think it matters. You can be overweight and famous, especially if you are a black woman. Check out Martha Wash and Aretha Franklin. I don't care, as long as you can bring it. I know that's hard to believe, especially since I've been cracking about her fat ass for three weeks now, and don't get me started Elliot's ugly mug. But, in my defense, I have them as members of the final three, so clearly I'm not voting on looks. That said, if I were looking to sign her to a seven year record contract, I might encourage her to try something to manage her weight. It's a long term investment kind of thing. If she wins, I've spent an entire season of very highly rated TV time to promote her. I don't want her in a piano box coffin before I see the full return on my investment. And deep down, don't you think she'd be happier as a lighter person? I know I am. Mostly. Maybe Randy should pull her aside.

Okay, here's Paris in her dress with jeans outfit. Someone needs to explain this nonsense to me. I just don't get it. I know jeans are comfortable. I wear them every day I don't see a client. But why overlap with the dress. It doesn't make sense. I guess I'm showing my age here (33 last I checked).

On top of all that, it was an ugly dress. I don't mind the color, but it's got a lot going on on it. It's all very puzzling to me.










Here's the Pickler. They had no shortage of her moving around awkwardly. White chicks clearly dance as well as white dudes, which is to say, "not very." It just takes a cute girl and makes her awkward and weird. I stand by my support of Dave Chappelle mocking white people. We are awkward and strange. It's hard to imagine how we came to own the world.













This is Melissa and her average belly. I tried to find the picture that showed what I'm talking about best, though last week's outfit better illustrated the point.

It's not that her belly and love handles are really big, it's just that they aren't even one standard deviation above average. I think that's the line we have to draw, as a society, for when it's acceptable to show belly/handles on TV. You have to be one sigma up or one down from the average. So, when Farley did the Chippendale's bit, that was acceptable. Whereas when Mike Meyers goes shirtless, it's somehow more icky. On the flip side of things, The Pickler can show her belly (as long as she doesn't move) while Mellissa shouldn't. On the up side, I think her time is up, so maybe we won't be faced with this question going forward.



Here's Kinnik. Aside from my mouse pointer, she looks pretty good. I like the print and her hair, the whole package. And I think she can sing. Too bad she's almost definitely going home this week. I think there's no reason to spend more ink on her.















Lisa and her straight hair. She just looks the part. And she can sing too. Nice dress too. I like it when people can put themselves together. Probably because I'm so lousy at it. Oh well.

Just found the pictures and felt like sharing. Next up, the guys.